Bristol Harbour...and the back of my house.

 Just snapped this photo as I liked the flowers that lined the walls...the main focus of this entry is the harbour side....well one view of it anyway.

 This is why I often feel like I'm on holiday...

 And this is going to be the view we'll have on the 9th of June. A friend and I are renting out the local scout hut - see final photo - and we are going to be doing a pop-up buffet for friends....

 Been wanting to do this for ages and see if I can cope with large numbers and with a partner in crime I think it will work! We're getting lots of people involved. There is going to be a cocktail bar, a wide range of yummy food - cold soups, baked cheese, mixed salads, marinated fish and some cake and pavlova and another friend is going to do some swing taster classes! Dress code will be a sexy red, white and black.

Following this event, the next big buffet I'll probably be doing with my sister and mother will be an Asian inspired menu just after Christmas to celebrate my father's forthcoming wedding...!!!

The Art of Keeping in Touch

Oh my god, someone should write a book on this and the psychology behind it. Even with Skype, Facebook - all our social networks that should help aid us in this - it still proves to be difficult.

It is hard to find the right balance. Some people are the chasers, the organisers: the people who work hard to keep a friendship from gradually fading. Others just shrug their shoulders and say 'I'm rubbish, thank goodness for the chasers.' (and that's okay, that's just the differences in people) and some are just kind of in between.

I'm wired to be a chaser. Maybe I have too much time on my hands compared to others, although even I will admit I can let things slide due to being busy. I think I'm just better organised personally...Some would call it needy and whilst I'll be fair and agree in some cases when I'm feeling more emotional, in other cases I would just called it efficient.

What drives me nuts however is when the non-chasers perceive my efforts to be 'hounding'. Especially when I am fully aware that chasers can get this reputation, so I'm totally trying to be cool about the situation and do everything I can to be easy going. I wait a few days...I wait a few weeks...then I send a message saying: 'No rush, no worries that you haven't replied yet, don't worry if you're busy.' Of course, it's a little nudge, a reminder, but I'm trying to be cool with my words and surely that's better than saying 'ANSWER ME NOW BIATCH!' or 'WHY HAVEN'T YOU GOT BACK TO ME?!! IT'S RUDE!' which is a bit full on?

So when I get someone saying: 'Stop giving me hard time!' I feel like banging my head against a brick wall in frustration at the unfairness of being misunderstood. Especially when they follow up with 'I'm feeling really low right now I don't need this.'

Seriously?! I'm your friend. I care about you. I'm getting in touch because I like you. I want to know how you are, I want to see you and now I think I have even better cause to chase because maybe you need a friend to be there for you right now? I'm not trying to make your life hard or make you feel guilty. That is 100% not what I am trying to do and now I feel sad too....

But I dismiss my feelings as they are just reactionary and I'm thinking 'hmm...fcuked this one up somehow...' , didn't mean to come across that way whatsoever....what should I have done differently?

And I'm not really sure what the answer is. I'm perplexed. My thinking is to be even more laid back next time but...it gets to a point where you just don't see or speak to a person and the closeness is lost.

But maybe that is the lesson? Letting go. Not trying to force it. If it is going to drift, let it drift. But you've got to try a little right? If we were all non-chasers then where would we be?

So I am definitely thinking getting the balance right is a fine art I am yet to perfect. I'd be really interested to hear other people's opinions on this matter. How do you keep in touch? How do you avoid hounding?

Before I end this post - another thing that perplexes me - we have a friend who has recently fallen off the radar. Like me, he doesn't live in London and recently he met a girl. When he didn't reply to various invites and texts from people, we all just shrugged and said 'Ah well, new love...he's busy.' but then the months started to roll by and people began to compare notes and he just hasn't replied to any message; doesn't answer his calls, doesn't even take the bait on more purposely emotionally charged and accusatory messages. I've even begun to wonder if he changed his phone number... There's been talk of getting on a train down to his hometown and just knocking on the door to check he's still alive and breathing.

Most of us have just accepted now that that's just the way it is and we need to let go. You can't make people be what you want them to be... (as Al Stewart once sang)

But...again psychology-wise...why do people do this? It is so peculiar. I don't understand it. Has anyone ever done this before? What were your reasons? We've all just been left scratching our heads....

Some links on friendship that I found that are a little related... here and here.

A picture of happiness?

I think I'm experiencing happiness now or something close...this is what is looks like...

I get a good nights sleep every night. I lie in till 7am when I used to rise at 6am, feeling tired still.

I walk by the river everyday and I marvel at how it changes each time I walk past. I get a deep sense of satisfaction from watching it. It's a hundred times better and more 'alive' and real than the dank dust and grime-stained advertising on the London Underground; the people on the tube looking miserable cooped up like battery hens. I also walk past the harbour and when the sun is shining I almost kid myself I'm on holiday at some lush seaside destination.

I occupy a large spacious room which overlooks the river. My table has a lacy tablecloth and I can sometimes afford cheap coloured carnations. A little ginger cat often comes to visit me, scratching at the door and overstaying her welcome always but that's okay.

I'm a fifteen minute walk to work and the centre of town. If I forget something I can run home. As I said, I walk past the harbour, down stone cobbled streets and into a beautiful old square lined by large trees where I work in a grand and gorgeous Victorian building. Now it is summer we recline on the grass after work until the sun goes down and then I meander back home. Sometimes I will pick up a frozen yoghurt ('fro-yo') on my way.

Compare this to an hour and a half's commute, a small and stuffy, modern flat which my London friends rarely visited and my boyfriend back then refused to go to as it was too far out. (My second housemate was a blessing there though...) I can also easily meet up with friends now at the drop of a hat and stay out later and feel safe walking home alone.

When I go to work now there is no dread, there's no fear of boredom or difficult people politics. I like my boss - she's talented, fair and cool. I like my co-workers - they are friendly, engaged, intelligent and love what they do. We work autonomously but also as a team exchanging ideas and helping one another. We empathise and sympathise with each others issues and dilemmas. I don't overeat (though the canteen could maybe be a little better but its tuna cheese sandwich toasted suffices for £2).

My students are amazing - even the difficult ones.

I sometimes find it strange that I have less to daydream about, less to plan for. I spent so much time researching and hoping and planning in the past, plotting my escape, seeking something better. Now I don't desperately want to escape, I still look ahead but I go with the flow more.

There is stress and hard work but it isn't underlined by quiet despair and self-negativity. It is manageable.  I know I can do my job and I don't doubt (too often) that I am good at it. I feel rest assured. I know I am learning and help is available and I can say 'when' and 'how much' and I can say 'slow down' or 'show me'.

I am single and whilst I'd like a boyfriend I'm in a better mental position to make a good decision next time (I hope!). I'm in no rush. I know I am better on my own happy than with the wrong person miserable. I don't ruminate over old ex's anymore and when I think of past flings I think of them fondly, not with resentment. There's no drama, no reason to cry into my pillow or fret.  I think I smile more. I feel prettier than I ever have in my life despite bidding farewell to my '20's. I think I understand a bit better what looks good on me and what doesn't.

So that is how it is all right now. But changes are coming...and coming fast as always...

Two basic rules of life are: 1) Change is inevitable. 2) Everybody resists change. 

W. Edwards Deming

Let's see how it all turns out after the summer...

Mum's New House

You may remember me telling you that my mum was moving house? She moved next door. I went home this weekend to scope out the new joint and help do another car boot sale (I swear each time she moves her stuff seems to swell and triple in size - or maybe the houses and garages where we store the excess keep getting smaller?!)

Anyway I took a few photos to share...its been gloriously hot all weekend and it has been nice to go home. For the first time in ages I actually cooked a few proper meals (when I say 'proper' I mean a meal which involves chopping and not just bunging in the oven) and we watched Eurovision in the evening and drank a nice bottle (or two) of Prosecco.

There was some drama down our street - something exploded in someone's conservatory and caught fire. It gutted the house and caused smoke damage to three neighbouring houses. Poor people (fortunately no one was hurt)...wonder what they had in there that caused that?!

Anyway home now and bracing myself for the roller coaster of graduation week. Lots to do and organise. Will tell you all about it as it happens I suspect. Enjoy the photos... xxx

New House - new kitty cat toilet seat. Inspired by another toilet seat with a Persian cat on it which my friend had. Yes, this confirms it if it wasn't already crystal clear: our family are cat nutters.

Vintage esq kitchen.... 

 Living room avec Betty's old curtains - keeping a bit of the old lady's style to preserve her memory...

 Bubba having a snooze....poor old puss.

 Garden...we have a green house too....I like less immaculate garden scapes...this is perfect....

 Bubba accompanying me on my tour.... 'Dis way! Dis way!!!'

Marley mooching about on the lawn looking pretty as usual....

Love Love Love Eddie Izzard....

He's intelligent and incredibly funny with bucket loads of talent....Hail the Izzard!

The Olympic Torch passes through Bristol

....And the sun greeted it along with the crowds...

If you squint you can see a little flicker of flame in the photo below at the front of the boat on the right...It could be mistaken for bunting!

 I love this beautiful, friendly city...

 Here's to a few more sunny days I hope!

A generous platter and some more art work

The platter below was only £13.50 for two at The Tabacco Factory and it came with the most delicious potatoes with aioli and a large basket of bread. Good value eh? Had to share...

The weekend fluttered by like all other weekends but I packed a lot in nonetheless. Many meet ups, chats over tea, coffee and cider, lots of music, cheering on the 10K city runners and even a rare opportunity to produce some art - this is what happens when I spend time with creative inspiring friends like my old school friend Julia.

She's going to be doing a craft fair soon and said if I wanted to feature a few pieces she'd give them some space. So with some incentive to drive me on I am going to try and produce a few if possible.

I also really want to join the local swing club that isn't very far from my house but alas! Time is ticking away and soon there won't be much time left. My students leave in less than two weeks and I myself have less than seven weeks here in my lovely little abode. I don't want to leave now... but I must. It has been so nice. I hope I don't forget this happiness and I hope I can find it again elsewhere or return to it again later down the line.

My students are as restless as ever to fly free. I very much doubt I'll be able to get them to come to all my lessons in the last week even with enticements of trips to the city farm and other such fun ideas. I reckon we'll end up sitting on the grass in Queen's Square more than we will inside the classroom at this rate.

Anyway...its a busy few days with reports and book reviews to mark. I'll see you on the other side of it all soon! xxx

Cafe de Flore

We're lucky in Bristol, we have this excellent place called The Watershed which puts on various arts films and foreign films that you would otherwise miss or know nothing about.

They also have a great, spacious cafe come bar which does excellent nachos and olives and various talks are also always taking place. This week I went to see a talk on digital technology by Nick Harkaway which was very interesting and they also had a talk on Angela Carter though I missed this to go see Cafe de Flore.

I wanted to tell you about Cafe de Flore. You should try to see it. A colleague had seen it earlier in the week and recommended it so I went with a friend. It was fairly long. I kept thinking 'where is this heading to?' but it is beautifully shot and it does reach a strange (possibly slightly ridiculous? And yet somehow you accept it...) conclusion in the end. I can't tell you too much without spoiling it but I have uploaded the trailer for you. Even that is a bit cheesy...

It tells two stories. One set in the early 70's in Paris and one set in modern day Montreal. The first is about a mother struggling to raise her Down syndrome child Laurent, and the other is about a man called Antoine who was married to his 'soulmate' with two lovely daughters when he meets another 'soulmate' who he leaves his wife for, only to suffer from very mixed emotions. The two stories slowly come together in the weirdest way...though they are connected by certain music throughout the whole film.

It has been haunting me all weekend. I think it might be one of my new favourite films despite its imperfections.

Cat Stevens / Yusuf Islam

My new favourite song at the moment...

Oh Very Young by Cat Stevens.

I just think it is very simple and beautiful. The words, the female harmonies, the twiddly bits on the piano, the beginning lines:

Oh Very Young, what will you leave us this time
You're only dancin' on this earth for a short while
And though your dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your dads best jeans
Denim blue, faded up to the sky.
And though you want them to last forever 
you know they never will
And the patches make the goodbye harder still. 

Particularly the 'denim blue, faded up to the sky'. I like that image. Its one of those songs that makes your heart lift as little when you hear it and smile.

The few things I know about Cat Stevens and where he's woven into my life...

-Boyzone did the cover of Father and Son when I was a teenager. I remember being at my grandparents in Worcester and I popped down to the record store to buy the single. I can still see them all dressed in white plastered on the front cover.

-We watched a film in Religious Studies class of Cat Stevens - now Yusuf Islam - giving a guided tour around The London Central Mosque. I didn't know who he was really but the RS teacher was indicating something about him being a famous singer.

- Cat Stevens did a surprise and rare appearance on stage at Cropredy the year I went with my mother. He was really good, but despite crowds asking for Father and Son he refused to play it.

- Supposedly Mr Moorish's mother was good friends with him. Mr Moorish played Cat Stevens a lot and once when I tried to impress him and boast that I'd seen him live; he flattened me with the reply: 'He was at the hospital when I was born because he was friends with my mum....' So much for that kudos attempt then...

-My friend Bam loves him as he grew up with his dad playing him.

Oh and interesting fact from Wikipedia - twice Cat Steven's almost died in his life. The second time he almost drowned and as he was struggling in the sea he prayed to God to save him and that if God did he would serve him...and he was saved... so I guess these experiences helped lead him to where he is today.

And that is all. The more I listen to him, the more I like him....

British Slang in a WW2 Context

This week I am going to do a lesson on slang for my students as it was requested recently after we sidetracked onto the differences in pronunciation between the word 'can't' and the most abhorred British swear word (which I referred to as 'c you next tuesday' as much as possible). Even in a teaching context it felt a little wrong uttering this word but it is a common pronunciation mistake it would seem and the sounds needed to be covered and differentiated to avoid offence later down the line. I don't have a major problem with it - it's only a word - but still, you feel like you're straying into dangerous territory here! Plus you know it probably hasn't gone down quite so well when you're deviant french student decides its funny to scrawl it across the cover of his text book....

I've drawn up a list of words I think they will find useful but I was also seeking out some YouTube videos which featured slang in practise. I originally thought of Catherine Tate's Lauren but then a fellow colleague pointed me in the direction of Miller and Armstrong and their WW2 Pilots. I'm going to have to select the slower, shorter clips I think, but there is a bountiful of choice and they are hilarious! In case you haven't come across them, I've put a few here for you to enjoy. xxx

Happy Big 30th Birthday Party to me!!!

It was a night of moustaches and some colour (a lot of people forgot that part)...in Stoke Newington. As usual the night went at a neck-breaking speed and only slowed down as the crowds thinned a little. Some people I just didn't get much of a chance to talk to which is a shame. It makes me think if I ever get married I'll have to extend it over a weekend or something...

Anyway my whole family came, the bar was brilliant (Ryan's Bar), the food before was delicious (The Reformed Fox), the weather was excellent (I've been so lucky the last 6 or so years with this -it is rather flukey!), the music was top...it was all great! And I woke up to a warm sunny morning where I was a two minute walk from Columbia Road Flower Market and a delicious bakery...

All in all - a lovely celebration and a great opportunity to marvel and think 'gosh I have wonderful friends and family...' :) xxx

Some ramblings about teaching today.

Today dished me out two dishes. One was hot and delicious and I ran off quickly to find the person I needed to find to tell them about it. The other was cold and horrible and the nasty taste took a long while to subside.

The first dish was the good news that one of my students - a very hard-working young girl with buckets of character at the age of 17, who is leaving prematurely this week to study for some University exams - exceeded expectations in her exit exam and got an excellent result. Not only does this reflect her hard work, but I hope a small percentage of it shows I have taught her well...Either way, happy situation all round.

The second dish was unexpected and caught me off guard. I'm teaching a grammar class at the moment at  a pre-intermediate/intermediate level. I have a topic assigned to me for each lesson but its quite a large learning curve for me. I usually only have time to study the prescribed grammar the day before and quickly come up with some plan. There is no text book to follow but I can take things from other resource books and make my own materials. Needless to say these lessons take a while to plan and they are rather trial and error - a real learning on the job kind of approach (more than usual) and it is hard to tackle the class with massive confidence as I'm still grasping the concepts myself. Any difficult questions/ calls for detailed explanation can make me a little flustered and with grammar such situations arise frequently, as expected.

Maybe I'm my own worst critic but I also think my lessons need an injection of fun into them. I do try my best. We do a communication activity first which is meant to lead into the grammar and then we do some exercises and then if there is time, some freer practise. The class are quite quiet and they're not the warmest bunch. It does feel a bit like me verses them at times and grammar doesn't help for bonding like other classes because of its serious nature and its required focus...

So anyway, I'm teaching 'used to' and 'would' to describe habits of the past today. 'Would' is a dangerous word as it can be used in all sorts of contexts. I have to stress this particular area we are focusing on. 'Used to' can also be confused with other grammar such as the verb 'to use' and 'to be used to something' (i.e. to be accustomed to something, as opposed to a habit that was once carried out in the past but is now no longer in practise). As expected there was confusion but I thought I was making progress.

There was only fifteen minutes to go of the class and the students were giving me their feedback to the last few exercises when the Assistant Director of Studies walks in for the first time and decides to watch the class. And everything went a bit tits up...

For starters, I'd kind of run out of steam so I was planning on throwing a game at them (Boggle). Not really linked to the material at hand....kind of sloppy on my part perhaps, but there aren't enough hours in the day to always have the perfect plan. Secondly, the students decided it would be a good time to ask difficult questions and thirdly, in my nervous state I answered them incorrectly - or at least with some doubt in my mind...oh and then I messed up the instructions to the game. Yeahy! I know I'm going to get called up on my concept checking questions there, without a doubt....

I left the class with a horrible knot in my stomach and a shell-shocked feeling that didn't subside until well into the afternoon. I was very irritated with myself.

Ah well, swings and roundabouts!

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself like I said.... I think I might take it all a bit too seriously but I'm going to learn from this somehow...and I'm prepared to hear the feedback. It is just annoying when I work so hard to have this experience but...I think it happens a lot with teaching. So I'm going to be kind to myself and focus on the positive note of the day now and just shrug the other one off and make sure I learn something from it.

There are so many other aspects of my job I'd like to blog about here, which I will do in the future. I hope this hasn't been too tiresome for you? I guess all jobs and days have their ups and downs! xxx

Hello TV addict!

Hello, my name is Miss Curious Cat and I am a TV addict.*

*Or more correctly, should I say 'TV series addict'. Forget daytime TV rubbish and the mindless, senseless dribble that you often find when you switch on the TV (my landlady often has ITV playing in the kitchen during the day and oh my god is it appalling), I'm talking high quality, thought provoking, cleverly written scripts.

Since September I have ploughed through the following (courtesy of my housemate's great collection and Netflixs):

Dexter: (Serial killer, anti-hero drama) Well, I finished this actually - I began it a long time ago and it took some while to complete it as it became a father-daughter past time which meant I could only watch it when I went back to Hampshire. My father is now addicted and we are both wondering how the next season is going to handle the cliff-hanger they dealt us.

Game of Thrones: (Four families fighting in a brutal fantasy world and a terrible winter is coming...) Possibly the best TV series out there currently. Don't let the 'Lord of the Rings' esq style put you off if you are quick to think 'old fantasy stuff - not my scene'. This series is outstanding so far. Never have I seen a series so sexual and violent (without being overwhelming...and I thought True Blood was on route to claim this particular accolade). It's got everything. Twists and turns, mythic creatures, Roman and Biblical themes, eye-candy for everyone and, of course, the fantastic, completely alluring character Tyrion Lannister (yes, he maybe a dwarf but he's a sexy dwarf!).

Homeland: (Nail-biting, tense, political and asks all the right questions) We finished this long before it hit our channels. It's gripping. It's intelligent. It's damn good... what more can I say? Nothing is ever black and white. Opinions and ideas form only to be dashed... Oh Clare Danes is excellent as a bipolar fanatical workaholic genius.

Breaking Bad: (Chemistry teacher discovers he has cancer and turns amateur crystal meth cook) I'm ploughing through this baby right now. Just started Season 4. It is REALLY good and Season 3 took the series to a rather darker level than before. Do we like the main characters? Are they good people?  It's very dubious...Why can't they just get their shit together?! Is it all going to be a major train crash?!

Boardwalk Empire: (1920's Prohibition, Atlantic City, Mob drama) This has to be watched just for the finale of Season 2 alone. The most dramatic finale I have ever watched so far. It has many a 'Greek Tragedian' undertone. It had my mind reeling after - so much so I text my housemate from my bed at 1am to query a few issues...and yes, he was up thinking them over too. Excellent opening score...and Steve Buscemi really shines.

The Walking Dead: (my worst nightmare, zombie apocalypse) The only reason I can stomach this is that it is slow in places (i.e. it hasn't got the tempo of say something like 28 Days Later which is too overwhelming for a zombie wuss like me) and yes, I read the synopsis beforehand so I'm prepared.

Teen Wolf: (sexy teenagers get a bit hairy, irate and emotional when a full moon is out) A guilty pleasure...not too scary but still dark and tense enough to entertain. Worth the watch alone for Tyler Hoechlin. I truly turn teenage girl with this series...my housemate caught me swooning over Google images after and thought it was hilarious...

The Secret Diary of a Call Girl (Billie Piper explores all the 'ins' and 'outs' of life as a call girl in London): Definitely for the curious, though I wonder if it glamorises the profession a bit too much? It is certainly portrays one of the better angles of prostitution. Piper is seeeexy! The ending is a bit unexpected as well...

(Think I'm done? I said I was an addict...think again.)

Misfits: (Asbo teenagers acquire superpowers and run a mok, often accidentally killing their probation officers) I'm seriously jealous of the scriptwriters. This is sharp, witty, action packed and totally British. I love the music, I love the filming, I love everything about this series.

How Not to Live Your Life: (lovable idiot gets up to all kinds of stupid stuff) It says what it does on the tin. Steps and advice from a bit of a prat. Some of the things that may have crossed your mind but you never acted upon at the time....hilarious!

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: (four despicable human beings run a pub and do despicable things whilst arguing the whole time) Warning note - don't watch lots of these consecutively. It will stress you out. Dark, highly politically incorrect comedy.

Modern Family: (A modern US family who are funny and a little cheesy at times) This is light-hearted, good solid family entertainment. You cannot help but like it and love the characters. Happiness and feel-goodness (is that a word?!) served up on a nice plate.

Wilfred: (Loser guy and his adventures with a devious dog - aka a man dressed up in a dog costume)
Naughty, surreal and totally nailing dog behaviour on the nose with an Aussie accent.

Plus One: (a one off series about a guy who's ex is marrying Duncan from Blue and he wants to upstage her at her wedding by bringing a more excellent 'plus one') Worth watching just to see Duncan take the piss out of himself. Light laughs and it is amusing enough.

Mad Men: (Beautiful, slightly flawed people from the 1960s in an office environment) You probably know it - its been everywhere. I like to watch it when I'm planning. Its a slow burner but a good one. Great depth.

And I think that is it...or at least the majority...phew...

...Yeah I seriously need to get out...but summer is coming and this was mainly the result of deep hibernation/ I've escaped London aftermath... so I think it won't be a problem!

It's the 21st Century: Surely I can strike a balance?

So I'm looking for what I suspect many people are continually seeking out: betterment. I'm no individual when it comes to this matter, I hope.

I want a great work / leisure balance -not just for me but for other people. I want to be happy, to help people, to communicate, to achieve something. I'm willing to work hard - but only for the things I believe in and I don't think we should work ourselves into the ground. It isn't healthy and it was recently published as one of the biggest regrets (working too hard and not enjoying life more) of the dying in the Guardian (or some newspaper)....

I want to meet people, make lots of friends, help whoever comes into my life and I want to make this world a better place (roll your eyes if you wish but all this is said with earnest and sincerity).

I don't want to make enemies, offend anyone or hurt anyone if I can help it.

I want less stress, less chaos, fewer faulty systems -let's shake up the old ones please -, less blame and passing the buck, less rush and less noise.

I want more understanding and empathy, more connection, more time, more experimenting and I want some things in life to slooooow the hell down. When I communicate I want to take my time and consider all possibilities. I want meaning to be conveyed effectively and when it is not conveyed, I want a second chance at it, please. I want the chance to say 'I'm sorry, you misunderstood me.' or  'I'm sorry but I really came across badly there. What I really meant to say was...' Can we please rewind?

Am I asking too much? So often I am told I need to stop with such lofty ideas and just knuckle down. Get a real job. Sacrifice a few years...make some money. Get some security. Climb the career ladder. Really? Is that the only way? Even in the 21st century?

It isn't like I don't know how to work hard. I've been working harder (dare I say compared to some people) all my life. Maybe not physically with long office hours but certainly mentally. My brain is always 'working'. I don't really know the concept of relaxing because I can't switch off very easily. I dream grammar questions at night for goodness sake! I can't sit down to watch a movie or a TV episode on my own as inevitably I will pause it to do some chore I've remembered every 20 or so minutes (Note however: if I watch something with other people they are good anchors and prevent me from doing this).

 My personality is wired to worry, to perfect and to fret, to list and to plan and to organise every hour (yes, almost every hour) of my day so I know exactly what I am doing at any given point. I organise to cram it all in. I tell myself I am optimising my time.

And when I have some spare time? Well, let's get ahead on next week!

I've done a lot of things with my life and time. A student looked at my CV today and said: 'With all this...why do you work here?' It isn't easy to explain. Maybe I am underachieving but I don't want to push myself to the limit because I think if I did I'd malfunction. Already my body sends me little health warnings and I don't even feel as if I am pushing myself too much...but I do I want some balance if it is possible.

But is it possible? How do you cope with it all? Do you think about these things like I do?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing it all wrong. There are the friends with the houses, the babies, the careers, the cars, the pets, the marriages - someone to come home to in the evening. Or a mix of some of these...Por moi? Nada! If we go by normal standards I'm totally underachieving...and yet, whilst society niggles and pokes me I don't feel too bad right now about these things...

Anyway mini rant over...next time I'll try and write about some adventures and insights into teaching. What are your thoughts? xxx

Blog Death

A lot of blog death going around at the moment. I'm wondering if I'll eventually succumb too? My favourite blog just went out of action (lots of life changes going on there) and I've realised I've not been a great reader/follower recently as I have either been too busy with planning or just too tired. I'm suffering from Internet fatigue a fair bit (and yet I still press on like the typical addict), not to mention work fatigue (I took on extra hours this week that called for an extra burst of energy when energy levels are already low) and other forms of fatigue. I guess the rainy weather is not helping either.

Back in the day I used to get loads of comments and I would scurry around commenting on other blogs too. I wonder now if blogging has had its day? Maybe the community I knew a few years back has just passed on. Who knows?

I intend to be here a while longer. I still have things to say. A lot to say in fact, but time is often lacking and sometimes I question whether it is wise to share such content. 

Some topics I'd like to write about here but I won't right now...

- Polygamy (Is it on the rise? Is this the new 'vintage'? Is it a reaction to the recession? Or am I just becoming more aware of people who are 'into' it? The Guardian did recently do a piece on it...The Guardian has a habit of doing that. Something I consider 'non-mainstream' catches my curiosity and suddenly The Guardian are doing a feature days later... Though maybe it is just my 'awareness' - maybe these articles are always there!)

-The adventures and ponderings of my recent love life (I'm beginning to learn to keep things slightly more private!)

-A rant on Education and Capitalism (saving this for a day when I have more time!)

-A rant on being 30 and social responsibility (Who really wants to hear this? Everyone has their doubts and problems blah blah blah, it is all the usual anyway)

-The little I know about Politics (I'm teaching this topic at school this week and I'm beginning to realise it isn't cool not to be at least somewhat informed....especially when there are events taking place that will ultimately affect me and those around me in the future... perhaps I've been politically apathetic for too long...)

-My teaching methods and how I could improve (I don't want to get into lazy habits and focussing on my flaws might help me work at improving them)

Anyway, off to bed now. I'll write more soon. Much love xxx